Londonslanding's Blog

a rope tugging at my soul, but my hands don’t feel a grip. For is this life, destiny or some fucked up trip? Silence and screaming rip my thoughts like old stitches in a baseball. Layers of deep dark substances crusted over frayed edges. In those crevices darkness will always remain. Peace? Peace is being grateful for your life while watching the tragedies of others. Their horrors now on display across screens made from minerals mined, reeking the sweat of children that scratched the surface without shoes on their feet. That’s what we do, we watch. We watch and wait because you know not one man escapes this world without the call. The question in your mind of why Lord why? Cries that fall empty, because you know it’s not right. It’s not your place. You’re always involving yourself with the Lord’s business. 

How can one just dismiss the sled we are forced to drag with us? How do you not pick up things along the way? Is there a calm in unrest or do you force digestion? Obliviousness no longer an option for me, nor is tolerance for this fake society. The resistance will be televised. 

Are you ok? No. I’m disappointed, disgusted, fearful, angry, annoyed, pre disposed to internal rage, and don’t blame it on perimenopause. It’s this fucked up ball of mass and gas’s that we ride daily. 

They say the days are getting shorter. Pay your mortgage, pay you insurance, pay all the things while maintaining your sense of guilt while hundreds of people went to bed by a river and woke in a nightmare. 

Thats what this is. I’m heavy because of the floods and that being my biggest nightmare. Water.

Dark. 

Fast.

Moving.

Water.

The sounds.

The crashes. 

The bangs. 

The screams. 

The silence of someone as they accepted their fate. 

Taking people from the securities of their homes. As if the world hadn’t handed them their dealings in life,already. People were resting, living, being, or even already hungry, jobless, or grieving. 

The more I write. The more I try to make sense. It doesn’t. Never will. 

There is a peace in God, not of this earth. A higher connection. That is the only thing that drives me forward. Lean not on your own understanding. 

Thank you God. Count it all Joy. 

I have been lost a long time. I wander through life with a naivety and fire like I own the world. News flash, I don’t own shit. Not material in the sense of ownership but in the tune of how I move. Reaction to outside issues is not my super power. I’m vowing to change that, because I refuse to be lost in the wilderness of my mind.

Ish just got real!  When you put things out in the Universe they must be good genuine and have purpose.

Living with Vitiligo is a daily struggle and not within my realm of control but my confidence grows everyday.  

Getting into is shape something that I CAN control! Daily changes make progress.

So happy with how the last week has gone. Pictures speak a 1000 words

 Picture on left is today!  Picture on right was last week! 

There are certain times in life where there’s that one moment, that instant when you notice how you have grown.  I have been angry, resentful, and aggravated by life itself. With saying that you have to take some responsibility because it is YOUR life but outside influences account for the rest of the pie.  But, then there is that moment, that instant when you realize that you have let it all go.

Freedom comes in the form of a clean spirit that is not only at ease with God, the universe but most importantly yourself.  Don’t worry about things that do not bring positive ambiance to your personal space and vow to live a more even paced peace based existence. 

This realization came to me after returning from spin class this morning: Why not force upon yourself positive thoughts when you waste energy on negative ones? Find YOUR relaxation. YOUR healthy escape that helps you find center in your being.  Prayer, meditation, eating well & exercise are my ingredients to PEACE.

I put a certain someone to bed last night and after a sustained period of silence from the bed, I look over the using my phone as my flashlight.  Suddenly, I am greeted by large eyes reflecting  the light of the phone and in her hands  & jaws clutching her giraffe!  I could not help but laugh!  My baby looked so like a night vision scene from Animal Planet!

Today is an awesome day.  Though things are not exactly as I wish, I know that soon i will reap my rewards.

And London’s Landing is born!  Pray for me! LOL